2002-2008 by Kevin Young
416-723-1316
young@nettwerk.com
SAMPLE – Essaouirra Destination Profile – www.askmen.com Summer 2008
Destination overview – Equal parts surf town and working port, its still not quite the tourist haven nearby Agadir is, and that’s a good thing. Though increasingly chic, the Atlantic coastal enclave of approx. 69,000 is still rough around the edges. Renowned for its seafood, local artisans and laid-back vibe, it’s the perfect spot to shake of the dust and recoup after a few days in the Sahara. Originally established as a Phoenician outpost, the town proper didn’t come into being until thousands of years later, in the 18th century.
Why you should visit – If it’s good enough for Hendrix, Orson Welles and Winston Churchill, you might want to give it a look too. Watch the waves pound the rocks from the city’s Northern ramparts, bike the dunes, hit the stylish rooftop patios and take in some live music, or talk shop with instrument makers and artisans working in closet-sized shops in the medina. Compared to Marrakech the pace is practically glacial, but it heats up in summer when windsurfers and kite boarders descend on the city to take advantage of the bay’s powerful winds. Also a big draw, the annual Gnaoua music Festival starts in June. French and Moroccan food share near equal billing in many of the Medina’s mid-priced restaurants and there’s fresh seafood in abundance – skip the panic of grilling near Bab El Menzah in favour of less traveled stalls tucked in behind the walls, and along Mohammed Al Quori.
Why you should live here – See above, then factor in how incredibly relaxed the people are; locals, retirees and surf kids alike. Unlike Marrakech and points inland, the summer heat is unlikely to bake your brain in your skull. The locals, however, are quite happy to offer herbal remedies that will. Much of the Moroccan coast, from the Mediterranean to the Atlantic is a target for development. Though it won’t escape, Essaouirra’s winds and the potentially unpredictable waters of the bay may help discourage the influx of the kind of butt floss wearing creatures that fly in the face of Moroccan’s cultural and religious beliefs, and become irritating speed bumps when you’re trying to rip up the southern beach on your mountain bike or kite-buggy.
Can’t miss – Impromptu jam sessions in one of the city’s locally owned drum shops
To avoid – The Mellah at night – northwestern medina – once a haven for drug dealers and still sketchy.
Tipping – Haggle at dockside seafood stalls, but add 10% on top.
SAMPLE – How to Get Married in Vegas – www.askmen.com Summer 2008
Think picking the perfect time and place to propose is crazy-making? It’s painless compared to the unholy can of worms planning the event will open up. Scheduling, family politics, infinite bickering over ceremonial minutiae – the kind of horror show that’s spawned an entirely new genre of reality TV and makes living in sin the choice of champions. Solution – avoid the trappings of a traditional wedding and elope in Vegas…
Keeping Costs Down
When midsummer temperatures creep up to 120˚ F, hotel prices dip. Package deals can be had for under $1000.00. At check in slide the clerk a twenty and let the words “Do you have any complimentary upgrades available?” spill confidently from your mouth. At best you’ll double the size of your room. At worst they’ll hand the cash back for you to toss away at the slots on the way to your room.
Helping you and your hard earned money part ways is high art in Vegas. Cabs tends to run around $20.00 a ride. Rent a car in advance instead, parking at Casinos and hotels is usually free. An excursion to Target for some budget décor, and ABC for liquor will help offset cost, but be discreet. No hotel or chapel is fond of guests bringing in their own party favours, food, or booze – faux candles can rent for up to $25.00 a pop and services that would be complimentary anywhere else not only cost, but are often subject to an 18% gratuity.
Book Ahead
Your venue – Whether it’s the Hilton’s Star Trek wedding, the gondola at the Venetian, or a drive through, ceremonies are designed to get you in and out at warp speed. So fast your bride won’t likely toss the bouquet, so much as hand it to the next bride in line. There’s no typical Vegas wedding – see www.vegas.com for options, and www.tripadvisor.com for everything else. If you’re thinking of getting hitched under the famous Vegas sign, keep in mind that it sits between two lanes of traffic heading to and fro from McCarran International.
Make It Legit
First you’ll need your license: same day service at the Clark County Clerk’s Office, 201 Clark Avenue, for $62.00 USD. Secondly, an officiator – There are as many choices for ministers as there are venues. They often cost extra, approx. $300.00 and whether you go for Elvis or not count on having less than 10 minutes pre-ceremony to hammer out details. Request a copy of the minister’s script – civil or religious – and cut what you don’t like, or add your own vows, well in advance.
Take control
The reason your going to Vegas in the first place is to do it your way – split the difference between Vegas schmaltz and grand spectacle with a terrace suite at the MGM Grand. You’ll get a killer view of the strip, the private outdoor hot tub 25 storeys up, and only seconds from air conditioning. Alternately skirt the rim of The Grand Canyon post ceremony. Check helicopter weddings at www.alllasvegastours.com.
Either way Google ‘build a tux’ for an informal education in formal wear. If you’re renting sight unseen have your measurements taken by someone competent. Ask the shop for their specialty and read past reviews, or risk getting a badly altered clown suit that’s inexplicably too large and too small simultaneously. Rent at home, or hit Men’s Wearhouse www.menswearhouse.com on East Twain Ave. when you arrive.
Ditto for your stag – Partying you can do anywhere – in Vegas, everywhere. Instead, hit The Gun Store – www.thegunstorelasvegas.com – rent anything from an AK 47 to a .357 Magnum and blow away a variety of politically incorrect targets for roughly a buck a round. Be aware; hot shell casings tend to bounce off the walls and your face. Unless you think powder burns will set off your eyes in your wedding photos, exercise caution.
Troubleshooting
Unless it’s just the two of you there will myriad details that you, my friend, have no knowledge of. Something, inevitably, will threaten to turn the perfect day into the perfect storm. Things will go missing; the tux, the bride’s gown, the flowers… Schedules will go off the rails and your sunset wedding will be slated for late afternoon when it’s hot enough to fry an egg on your forehead. If thing go badly, pray the bride has a well-organized sister with an eye for detail that borders on obsessive, and who’s willing to take care of any hiccups as they happen. After the fact, if you didn’t get what you paid for, it’s your turn. Register your complaints clearly and politely, with everyone up and down the food chain. In a town where the wedding biz is this competitive, your business is worth making you feel like you beat the house and not the other way around.
SAMPLE – Le Foundouk Restaurant Profile – www.askmen.com Summer 2008
Restaurant Overview
After spending one last day in the pandemonium of the Medina and taking in the nightly onslaught of music, snake charmers and hawkers in Djemaa el Fna, Le Foundouk is a welcome break. An ultra-hip oasis of style in one of the most challenging neighbourhoods on Earth, Foundouk blends European luxury and Moroccan design, distinct upscale presentation, and 5-star-service. All shot through with a brand of wry humour seemingly endemic to Morocco that, while refreshing, may take stuffier travelers off guard.
The Scene
A fondouk is a traditional stopping place for merchants traveling Saharan trade routes, but in order to stop at this one you’ll have to find it in the maze of the Medina – and book well ahead. Wander the cramped, dimly lit adobe alleyways, dodging locals on Dirt bikes or follow a lantern-bearing valet to the northern section of the Medina. Those of you, who hate asking for directions, take note – If you’re making your own way, leave plenty of time. There’s a good reason many Moroccans prefer to list their business address as a GPS location. Once there, scoff a spot on the terrace, settle in one of small lantern lit anterooms on the 1st floor, on the balcony overlooking a sea of candles set in a massive wrought iron chandelier, and decompress to the local DJ.
The Cuisine
Like its interior, Foundouk’s dishes are designed to impress – Regardless of what you read in crowd-sourced reviews, however, the cuisine is not French/Moroccan fusion. Offering western style cocktails and local wines alongside ample portions of Moroccan and French staples, the menu seems a discreet nod to the evolving, but disparate, cultural makeup of modern Marrakech. You’d be hard pressed to beat European-style offerings like the smoked salmon starter and grilled duck steak with caramelized endives, elsewhere in the Medina without paying substantially more. The traditional Moroccan dishes are also excellent; the Harira soup and slow-cooked Lamb Tagine with Figs, outpace similar dishes from the tourist haunts of the Big Square, although less dramatically. And while Le Foundouk is definite must see, it’s no excuse to avoid sampling street food from the multitude of decidedly low rent stalls tucked away alongside the souks, or miss out on the massive nightly BBQ in Djemaa el Fna.
Price Before Booze and Tip $45.00 CDN
Telephone and Address
Le Foundouk
+212 0 24 378190
55 Souk Hal Fassi, Kat Bennahïd, Medina, Marrakech
Website
www.foundouk.com
SAMPLE – Red Bull Crashed Ice – Quebec City for various publications March 2006
Picture the last time you were on skates. It doesn’t matter what you’re level of fitness is, whether you play hockey, speed skate, or just amble along the Rideau Canal once or twice a season. Just get the image in your mind…
Now then, you’re skating along and suddenly the rink narrows to roughly a car width on either side of you, drops a good 10 to 15 metres in roughly 50 feet and sends you screaming into a sharp right turn. Now throw in 350 additional metres of downhill, shot through with jumps, steps, gates and imagine three other skaters jostling for position beside you. It may sound like a horror show, but given that we’re Canadian, it might also sound like the kind of thing one of our own cooked up. Any sport that mixes one part skating, one part breakneck speed and two parts potentially imminent bodily harm should appeal to us. A combination of all the really dangerous bits of our favourite sports, in a format only crazy people would attempt. The kind of race invented by the inebriated, for the inebriated, as a wild dare. Crashed Ice is just that. But with big lights, big screens and 30, 000 spectators; Exactly the kind of typical, piss tank behaviour you’d expect a North American was behind.
Only we weren’t…
I don’t know about you, but generally, when I think of European sport, what comes to mind is cross-country skiing, the biathlon, road biking; maybe cricket. All compelling in their own way, but civilized, refined. You wouldn’t peg the Europeans for people who’d, mash together high speed, high contact sports in a format that’s basically a recipe for traction, then invite a mess of first timers to try their luck. That said, remember that these are the people who perfected the medieval version of the Ironman Triathlon – the sacking, pillaging and burning of neighbour’s villages. They brought us World Wars I and II, The Crusades, The Inquisition, Jagermeister, the Guillotine and now… Crashed Ice. Still you’d have be half in the bag to come up with this; “It was 2 AM at the bar, actually,” says Crashed Ice’s Austrian creator, Stefan Aufschnaiter. “I was skiing with a friend. We got lost somewhere and went back to the resort late at night.”
Finding their hotel was at the very bottom of the village, naturally they decided to see who could get there first. The race left them with two mangled pairs of skis, but a perfectly outrageous idea. “Why not replace the snow by ice and the skis by hockey skates?” Well, because it’s bat shit crazy, to begin with.
Calling Red Bull’s Crashed Ice a sporting event doesn’t do it justice. It’s part sport, part big Rock spectacle and part total gut check; a combination of hockey, boardercross, and downhill skating – It’s not your Daddy’s local rink, not his Super G, not even his half pipe… It’s an unforgiving 400 meter ice track that twists across the top of Quebec’s fortified walls, spills through its historic gates and comes to a screaming halt 34 vertical meters below, where old and new Quebec meet in Place D’Youville. Not surprisingly the locals love it; Quebec’s been the site of some historic dust ups in the past: French v. English, anti-globalization protesters v. riot police and the WTO, and now, six-time Red Bull Crashed Ice Champion, Jasper Felder v. all comers – mostly Canadians.
Past events have been staged in Prague, Moscow and other hot beds of history and culture, including Duluth, Minnesota, but this was the debut of Crashed Ice in Canada. The course has changed from past years; it’s more technical, the ice is better, plus there’s the wow factor of altering an historic skyline. You couldn’t ask for a more picturesque Canadian setting: a river of ice winding down through old Quebec’s ramparts toward the Laurentian Mountains. From the air, it’s beautiful – from the top of the course, it’s terrifying – an ass kicker from top to bottom. Many of the first-timers here agree, at least initially…
There are two kinds of people at this event: Those who think skating a downhill obstacle course at high-speed sounds fun and those who thinks it suicide. There were two kinds of skaters too: those the course scared the bejesus out of, and those who knew exactly how they felt, but had gotten over it – In other words, the Canadians and everybody else. The Canadians may be on home turf, but they’re at a clear disadvantage. Only 15 of the 100 competitors here have raced past Crashed Ice courses and none of them are Canadian. Those who qualified did so on flat ice. “It was just an obstacle course based on time,” says Gabriel Andre, of Saskatoon. “They set up barrels and some stuff to jump over and dive under. If we touched anything we got disqualified.” The five with the best time at local qualification rounds went to Quebec.
They have no reference for this. All they know is this is a mean stretch of ice that inspires not just fear, but an instant refusal. “When you get up there and look down it scares the shit out of you,” says Tyler Gubler of Toronto. And every new competitor says exactly – word for word – the same thing. The international competitors, all Crashed Ice veterans, understand. They remember their first time down other Crashed Ice courses. Between the jumps, turns and the inevitable flail to stay upright in close quarters with three other racers, anything could happen. Many feel the race will be decided in the first section – a shelf of flat ice hiding that sudden 45-degree drop into a sharp right turn. Experience helps, but no one is guaranteed to advance, not even Swedish champion, Jasper Felder.
Incidentally, Felder is the other thing they agree on – he’s the most fluid skater in the game, the man to beat, and a real class act on and off the ice.
The good-natured Swede is as gracious with the press as he is with the competition. At 6’3”, he towers over most of the field, but on ice he’s all compact speed, absorbing every jump and turn with an economy of movement that makes him seem unbeatable. Class act or not, long shot or not, the Canadians don’t exactly see eye to eye with the idea of certain defeat. The novice racers may recognize Felder’s skill, but that doesn’t mean they’re not out to beat him, or at least try. “You never go in thinking you’re going to lose,” says Gabriel Andre. “Everybody wants a Canadian to win.”
Felder is obviously aware of this. Good natured he may be, but when it comes to advice for his competitors Jasper doesn’t give too much up. “Stay on the ice,” he recommends. Easier said than done – it’s not like you can go to the local Crashed Ice facility and get a few runs in before breakfast. During practice, individual athletes take the course in sections, linking them together over the first day. As crazy as the course seems, over successive runs their confidence and speed increases exponentially. Having said that, for the finals they’ll be coming down far faster, and battling both the course and each other to advance.
Still, there’s little in the way of animosity, or visible competitive posturing. With the exception of the memory of some mild trash-talk by former NHL player, Mike Kennedy, nobody seems to have anything negative to say. Some folks aren’t thrilled by Kennedy’s comments to a national paper earlier in the week. One pointing out that his career with Toronto’s Maple Leafs was roughly equivalent to having a cup of tea with the team; the prevailing wisdom that he won’t last long. “I don’t want to bitch, but I saw him skating,” says Felder, who drew the brunt of Kennedy’s fire. “He might qualify, but I’ve seen so many guys that are so much better than him. He’s going to have a hard time.”
Overall, the atmosphere in the athlete’s tent is relaxed – it looks more like a meeting of the winter sport chapter of a mutual admiration society than anything else. Between the brutal course, stiff competition and nerves there’s more than enough challenge to go around. For Austria’s Michael Krainer-Bidovec, a veteran racer who finished third last in Prague, the battle is internal. “I have to beat myself. I’m forty this year,” he explains. “Some of the guys, maybe 50 percent, could be my kids. So I will see how many I’ll beat.” Along with other veterans, Krainer took time during training heats the day before the race to familiarize the novice Canadians with the demands of the course. Gabriel Andre refers to him as similar to a team leader – their teacher.
Day of race the first battle is between man and ice rather than man and man – Friday’s qualifier was minus 16 and windy enough to whip the snow around. Not an ideal day for a picnic, but good for skating. Saturday is significantly milder, forcing repeated rescheduling of pre-race training and making the course far more treacherous. Now, even with the race bare hours away and last minute training still postponed due to mild conditions, the athletes are willing to talk. Albertans Cory Keefer and Andre McIntosh haven’t met before, but they sit together now, waiting as crews work the ice back into game shape. “The first night we took a look,” says Cory, “we couldn’t believe it. Honestly, we were scared shitless.”
After a few runs the fear falls gets left behind. Fewer racers are taking the jumps – getting air might look great, but it wastes time and if you hit the ice wrong you’re done. Now all they think about is how to get down the course as fast and cleanly as possible. On jumps, says the USA’s Charlie Wasley, “you have to have enough speed to hit the downslope or you lose speed. There’s a lot to think about. It’s about power, and understanding the course, know when to lay off and when to take something at speed.” It’s a fact not lost on the Austrian, Krainer. For all his talk of challenging himself, he is one of the more aggressive skaters here. “Did you talk to him after his qualifier?” Asks Wasley.
I haven’t.
“He skated hard the entire thing – to the bottom. He had so much speed he couldn’t make the turn and went right into the boards. In the first qualifier he didn’t make the top 64. Then he came back and skated in at 38 seconds.”
Eventually, near constant work on the ice and a welcome drop in temperature allows racers some training runs. It’s tight, but first time competitors are taking the course aggressively. Felder may be the favourite, but this is anyone’s to win.
During the first heats I’m straddling the wall above the course’s middles S turn. From here, with a bit of scrambling back and forth, you can see the tabletop before the second turn and get a bird’s eye view of a series of steps and jumps leading to the final downhill. Our boy from the NHL goes down in the first series of heats, along with Krainer-Bidovec and all the Canadians I’ve spoken to, except Gabriel Andre. Veteran Charlie Wasley is knocked out in the next round, by Canadians, Gabriel Andre and Albertan, Kevin Olsen. Overall, Felder and the Czech Republic’s Lukas Fiala dominate, but the Canadians aren’t about to go quietly. In the first round of semi-finals Fiala places third in his heat.
The crowd has been gearing up all night, beating the boards and howling at the skaters constantly. Fans at the finish line are screaming themselves hoarse; fit to launch themselves bodily onto the track. When Felder takes the 1/4 final the crowd at the finish line goes absolutely wild. Olson holds on to challenge Fiala for 4th place, but has to settle for 5th in the overalls. By the final race all the Europeans except the Swede are gone, leaving Felder to face Canadians Sylvain Houle of Ontario, Saskatchewan’s Gabriel Andre and BC’s Wade Hocking in the final. “I figured right of the start, right out of the gate,” says Andre. “That’s my strategy – if I can get out of the gates and past the first two corners into that straightaway. If you can be the first guy out of that second corner, you pretty much have the race.”
When it comes down to it, the first section of ice – the part that’s reminiscent of sliding into an Arctic crevasse –tells the tale. Getting out of the gate fast is key, but not falling ass over blades is equally important. Early on, Felder finds himself walled in by shoulder-to-shoulder Canadians. Earlier, even with little room to move he found his way to the front with ease. This time though, the course will bite him in the ass. The race is over for the Swede the second he falls and hits the ice.
In the final turn, Gabriel Andre’s still looking for Felder; still thinking that he’s on him. “At the bottom I took a look back and saw he wasn’t there. I figured, ‘yeah, I bet you I’m looking this way and I bet you he’s passing me on the other. I looked the other way and he wasn’t.” With little momentum left to climb into the first straightaway he could do little but watch as the Canadians speed off – Gabriel Andre taking first place, Hocking in 2nd, Houle right behind him and Felder a distant and extremely pissed off fourth. There will be no comeback today. Unexpected, unlooked for, but as good a time as any for both crowd and skaters to lose their minds.
For an event that’s so ‘fringe’, to put it mildly, Crashed Ice took Quebec by storm. But don’t expect to see it in the X games or Olympics anytime soon though. It’s a Red Bull event, pure and simple and a platform that goes well beyond sponsorship. Red Bull has been involved in Free Sports for 19 years on a global level. They’re constantly innovating, pushing the envelope and the athletes. Competitors at last year’s Red Bull Elevation BMX dirt jumping competition at Whistler, BC had roughly the same reaction to the course there as the skaters had to this one – disbelief and fear. All the same they stepped up to get some of the biggest air of their lives.
Unlike the BMX pros competing at Elevation, the Crashed Ice skaters came from a diverse background of amateur sport – Hockey and Bandy players, multi-sport athletes, Snowboarders… No one in this town is likely to forget Crashed Ice anytime soon. A few might forget after the after party, mind you. Held in the heart of Quebec’s fortifications, La Citadelle de Quebec, it featured Motley Crue drummer and sometime DJ, Tommy Lee closing the night and bringing in the morning as a fitting end to a singular event.
Jasper Felder won’t be forgetting tonight anytime soon either. Andre doesn’t talk to him until later – After he’s cooled down. But as furious with himself as he was at the finish line, a few hours later he’s as gracious as ever to Gabriel Andre. “I never got to talk too much to him before the race. In one sense that helped me out, because maybe it was a little less intimidating for me.” It’s the Canadian’s night, but Felder isn’t fussed. In Prague he snapped a muscle in his leg just above the knee. Detached, it sprung up into his upper thigh and rolled up like a ball. He raced and took the win anyway. There’s talk about Crashed Ice heading to Dubai in the UAE, and Boston, Massachusetts next year. Intimidated or not, Andre will be doing some serious training for 2007’s race. Next time around Gabriel Andre may skate in with the title, but Felder will be there and chances are he’ll want it back even more than he wanted to keep it this year.
SAMPLE – On the Road in Thailand with David Usher published in Chart Magazine #138 Jul 2002
There are some things best avoided when in Asia: ice, unpurified water, cab drivers who offer you a flat rate that’s too good to be true, handing drunken singers your room key, jail. I’m considering the latter fearfully midway to Hong Kong as I agonize over the contents of my first aid kit, a kit I rarely take on tour, which I hope no longer contains a rather popular herbal medication used to relieve boredom and strengthen the appetite that’s generally frowned on by customs officials. Happily there’s nothing more potent in my luggage than Advil and escorted by EMI Thailand, we practically jog through customs. Given the number of fans outside, it’s obvious Morning Orbit is doing well and that David will shortly disappear behind a wall of journalists and TV personalities for most of the trip – his itinerary looks like a busy metropolitan subway schedule and continues morning and night for eight out of ten days. In contrast the band’s schedule looks much like this…
Drink –eat– swim – rock – drink – eat- swim – repeat.
We will make much of this, but first we need to stay awake, though not necessarily sober, until we’re on local time. We opt for beer, curry and standing slack jawed in a tight knot at Bangkok’s massive Chatuchak market, trying to decide whether to explore the exhausting variety of western brand name knock offs, pirated CD’s and street food or take in a cock fight. During our stay we’ll throw ourselves at the city at every opportunity with little or no agenda, visiting the Grand Palace, countless temples, bars, markets and Muay Thai (kick boxing) matches. We will eat and drink everything in reach and pretty much allow fate and luck to set our schedule.
The best way to see Bangkok is to make a solid plan, and then forget about it… You’ll be late. So will everyone else. Planned events won’t happen the way you expect. The gear you rent may not be what you asked for. Some of it will explode. Doesn’t matter. Up at 5 AM for a quick trip up the Chao Praya River to a well known floating market? Fantastic. Spending the next three hours in the pouring rain on a boat that’s only slightly faster than flippers and an air mattress and winding up at a market where the only thing floating is your river taxi? Even better. In many cases we may not get what we expected, but what we get is worth it.
Bangkok’s changed appreciably since my last visit with Moist. There’s an annoying increase in western chain stores, but the character of the city remains intact. Happily, new toll highways and a rapid transit system make it possible get downtown during the city’s never ending rush hour in less than the customary hour and a half and plenty of adventures can be found several steps in any direction. It just takes less time to find them and, if you must, you can stop for a half-caf frappuccino at Starbucks on the way.
Some things don’t change. The people are unfailingly welcoming and during the entire trip we meet only one truly angry person; a man whose hushed and urgent conversation with police we’ve interrupted by asking for some pre-show time alone –- A conversation that falls securely into the “we don’t want to know” category and is clearly far more important than our concerns over dressing room security.
Which brings us to rule number 1: Generally speaking, contact with Thai police should be limited to a polite nod.
Of course there’s no telling some people – particularly people who answer the question “So, how do you feel about deep fried bug for dinner?” by smiling a challenge around the remains of an insect the size of a small bird. Ladies and gentlemen… Chris Taylor-Munro. Show me a man with half a roasted beetle hanging out of his gob and I’ll show you a man with an above average taste for Thai rum and the distinction of being the only band member to come close to being carted off to a Thai jail; in short, a drummer.
Right, I’d like to say that something very rock and roll happened to prompt the law’s sudden and intense interest in Chris. Perhaps something involving a dozen or so Thai Rum/Red Bull cocktails and the theft of one of Bangkok’s ubiquitous Tuk Tuks, but I’d be lying. It was littering, pure and simple. You might chuckle, as did Chris, until realizing the well armed gentlemen were dead serious about tossing his littering ass in jail unless he paid the fine — spelt b-r-i-b-e –- immediately and in full.
OK… so rule number 2: No Littering.
Whether the fine was legitimate or not, we had to admire the fact that this kind of legislation is enforced with such vigour. At least the rest of us did. Chris just had to find an ATM and pay up.
I may have mentioned David’s press schedule…
As expected, our somewhat harried leader has spent all but a few waking moments in front of a crowd of journalists or an audience. He appears to be having a fantastic time with the press from throughout Southeast Asia who’ve come for a showcase at The Hard Rock Hotel in Pattaya, south of Bangkok — even with an excellent view of the band and crew swilling icy Singha beers, diving off their half submerged barstools and laughing hysterically. It’s gloriously hot; the first decent weather we’ve seen on tour since October. We’re staying in palatial hotels that greet us with intricately carved watermelons and flowers and he’s answered the same questions several hundred times and is doing so again, poolside, thirty feet away. Still, he’s calm and showing no signs of envy, which is supremely annoying to those of us attempting to taunt him. We’ll have to try harder.
Taunting will have to wait though. First there will be cake and debauchery. Following the show and a birthday celebration for David and Bassist Jeff Pearce, band and crew hit the town hard with the HRC’s manager as tour guide. It’s unclear exactly what happens next, but when the town hits back the next morning we deal with our various self-inflicted wounds in a variety of ways: For some it’s parasailing and snorkeling, for others a return to the pool and a nice mid thunderstorm dip. For David… more press.
Back in Bangkok, the next two days are filled with acoustic performances and an MTV Thailand I and I. The media blitz covers everything from local press TV and radio to a workshop with David at a local Music school and culminates in a sold-out show at The Ministry Of Sound.
Given the pace of the schedule and past experience, the margin for error is fairly large, but the only near disaster involves very nearly turning a perfectly good sound module into a makeshift Coleman stove using incompatible power. Luckily, we manage to destroy only one item of rented gear, have a fantastic show and subsequently yet another thin excuse to get sloppy and engage in a round robin of drunken late night Tuk Tuk races through the streets of Bangkok.
One team wins virtually every race with an annoying, but successful mix of luck and fearlessness; hanging dangerously off the cab’s flimsy railings, waving money at the driver and promising the lot of it as a reward if he keeps the thing up on two wheels all the way back to the hotel. Over the next day or so, Chris and guitarists Kim Bingham and Gerry Finn begin to refer to themselves exclusively as team Tuk Tuk. They dress the part, wax philosophical about their team’s skill and taunt their opponents with all the subtlety of WWF wrestlers. In short, they become insufferable and stay that way until well into the flight home, even after being thrashed soundly in the final race of our trip by sound engineer and all round oasis of calm, Ken Friesen.
With two days left David is still nose to lens with press. Not surprisingly, when he does sit down on day 10 with nothing but a bottle of rum, the pool and a free afternoon in front of him, his thoughts turn to good-natured revenge. After eight days of non-stop interviews, given the band’s dubious sensitivity, it was just a matter of time. Dave shows remarkable restraint on stage — no longer duct-taping musicians to each other or anything else during shows. Their personal comfort and sanity off stage is another matter. To be fair, I admit my own part in this but, given their unbearable smugness, better them than me.
After coaxing a room key out of one of Team Tuk Tuk under the pretense of making a rum/sunscreen run to his room, we lets ourselves in, booby trap every door, drawer and surface and hide not only their liquor, their shoes and every appliance that’s not nailed down, but every scrap of toilet and tissue paper in the room.
I may have mentioned the food, it’s glorious, but at times can prompt unparalleled regularity with surprising force and little warning. A well-stocked supply of bathroom tissue is very important. Of course should you run low on supplies you can always simply pick up the phone and call housekeeping. Or, you could, if you still had a phone.
Unfortunately, if the message our victims left after they did find the phones is any indication, our time is coming.
SAMPLE – Tour Disasters: Sketchy Toilets And Other Hazards Of The Road published in CM March 2002
Occasionally, into every band’s life, a little rain (or human waste) must fall…
Barring absolutely tour halting incidents the bottom line is you have a show to do. We’ve done shows with the flu, but we’ve never, ever, blown out a gig because of a sore throat, or ears, or anything. Jeff Martin had to get root canal surgery done and then he came back and we did the show. I’ve played with a broken hand. I’ve played when I cut my hand and had 20 stitches. We’ve never had to blow out a tour – Jeff Burrows
In Sickness and In Health… Your health, both mental and physical, is one of the most important things to guard on the road. Touring and performing is much harder when a vicious flu, or a sketchy shrimp cocktail has you feeling like you can’t remember a time when you didn’t seem to be holding your stomach and intestines between your front teeth. Anything that you can do to limit the potential for plague or toxic shock is wise whether that involves simply taking care of yourself, or taking your sickly bass player, who always seems to have some virulent flu or summer cold to pass along the second you get on the bus, and sealing them in a luggage bay until they’re no longer contagious.
Keeping yourself active and occupied and healthy goes a long way to helping avoid disaster. The more you get worn down, the more likely you are to invite unnecessary hassles into your life. Also, spending extended periods of time away from home and family can test your resolve and sanity. You’re better able to take care of yourself, and issues that arise back home, when you’re healthy and sane. The longest I’ve been away without getting home at all was six months, but absences of any length can be difficult. Coming home from a successful tour and finding your personal life in a hideous shambles also qualifies as one of the more serious hazards of the road.
Threats to life, limb and sanity can come from a multitude of directions on the road. There are some things that just make you want to go home to a toilet that isn’t speeding along with you at 120 km/h over bumpy roads in the middle of nowhere. Though hitting a nasty buckle in the road while you’re trying to score a bulls-eye on the old porcelain target and accidentally giving yourself an impromptu golden shower is probably not the worst that could happen, it’s not pleasant. As nasty tour tales of the potty humour variety go, the worst I recall is the time that a rather large quantity of urine ended up leaking from its appointed place in the Moist crew bus waste tank into a luggage bay and, subsequently, into our crew’s luggage.
Did I mention it was winter?
Did I mention the luggage bays aren’t heated? They weren’t. Granted, the difference between dealing with room temperature waste and the frozen variety are negligible, but somehow, standing in a parking lot in the prairies when it’s well below zero and there’s no laundry to be seen and considering your now reeking luggage seems more upsetting than it would be in July in say, oh, Florida.
All touring musicians and crew have had experiences that in retrospect they can remember with a chuckle from the safety of their own couch, but at an earlier time they may have seriously put the boots to their resolve to go on with the show. Luckily, for many acts there’s an extended family to lean on when things get rough: management, record label, agents, crew, people dedicated to keeping them on the road, safe, healthy and financially viable. To gather a few choice stories and gain some insight into how other folks try to limit the margin for error and deal with any catastrophes that might crop up along the road I spoke with a few folks I’ve met and worked with over the years. Terry McBride; head of Nettwerk Management and Records; Dan Garnett; former promoter rep. for House of Blues and tour manager for Sarah McLachlan, Lilith Fair and, more recently, Dido; Jeff Burrows of The Tea Party, Trevor MacGregor of Treble Charger, and finally Kim Bingham, whose experiences on the road include touring with Montreal’s Me, Mom and Morgentaler, Mudgirl, David Usher and, most recently, with The Kim Band.
While on tour you want to be safe, do the best possible show you can every night and at least break even. Comfort is also an issue, but it’s well down the list. The first thing Kim Bingham says to me during our interview is: “Can you take my burger out of my lap and put it into a paper bag for me? I don’t want it to get cold.” She’s not talking to me, but I’ve interrupted lunch, which is being served somewhere in between Calgary and Edmonton in a 15 passenger with the two back seats taken out to make room for gear. Not exactly roomy to be sure, but something she’s familiar with. “The first Morgentaler’s tour across Canada we had an empty Econoline van and we put my parent’s king size mattress in the back. There were nine of us, and 2 crew guys. We had a trailer attached to the van, but the nine of us lay head to toe, sardine like, the entire way across Canada for three weeks.”
Kim’s schedule on this tour leaves little room for error. “We’re doing seven straight and then we’ve got a day to drive from Thunder Bay to Ottawa. Then it’s Ottawa, Toronto and two shows in Montreal and then we’re done and we’re flying back. So it’s pretty packed in and logical. For a winter tour, it could be a lot worse.” Having said that, just after their second show, Jeff Ryan, the Kim Band’s drummer was forced to leave the tour due to an illness in the family and, in the spirit of improvisation, Scott MacCargar, the drummer for tour headliners Static In Stereo volunteered to fill in until Kim’s drummer rejoined them in Winnipeg. “It’s just a matter of keeping things in perspective ñ however bad and however crazy and chaotic the situation, Jeff was going through a harder time himself, and the show would go on ñ that’s the whole attitude. It has to be that the show ñ no matter what – will go on.”
True. Stopping mid-tour, even blowing even one show off can be disastrous financially. Artists, crew, management, record labels and agents all depend on each other to keep up their side of things. It’s all roses and ‘great to see you, buddy’ when things are going well, but when it’s not, tempers flair. It’s important to remember that though you may be at odds with another cog in the wheel, ultimately you do have similar and complimentary goals. Still, occasionally, when there’s a problem, artists get so flat out, fire breathing, furious they could chew their way through a brick wall. So how should you deal with it?
“I don’t think you have any latitude to freak out,” says Terry. “If something’s not being done, you have the right, behind closed doors, to address that issue, but in a professional manner. An artist should never take advantage of their position. Treat your crew like your best friends. If something’s wrong, get it fixed. They’re (the artist) just part of a team, the most important part? Yes. But they’re just part of that team.”
SAMPLE – Top 10 Extreme Cold Expeditions published at www.askmen.ca Nov 2006
Nothing and fascinates us like the highest, deepest and coldest corners of our world do. They defy us simply by existing, challenge the limits of our endurance and bring out the best and worst in our nature.
These 10 expeditions show that it’s not the death toll that makes a great story – Succeed or fail, the most enduring accomplishments are those that involve meeting hardship and long odds head on and not flinching. Even those that end badly gave us heroes and show how preparation, the right tools and the right ride can make difference between coming back alive and being served up to your companions as human jerky.
Number 10 – Willie Heinrich first to dive under Antarctic ice – 1902
The ultimate Polar Bear Swim, even today divers face dangers from extreme temperature and angry Leopard seals. When Heinrich, then employed as ship’s carpenter, made his dives during the Deutsche Sudpolar-Expedition, he did so to repair the ship, wearing only a Seibe Diving Helmet and a canvas suit. His under-ice observations were of little scientific use, but he improved his equipment – no doubt out of self preservation – and allegedly built an ‘ice bicycle’ for the crew’s amusement.
Freezing point – Being the go to guy for underwater repairs couldn’t have been great fun, but Heinrich made numerous dives, at least once during the Austral winter to free the ship’s anchor, when the surface temperature alone was roughly –30 degrees Celsius.
Number 9 – Mariana Trench Project Nekton Dives – 1960
Off Guam in Pacific, The Mariana Trench is the deepest point on Earth – the underwater Everest, but deeper than Everest is high. Using the bathyscaphe Trieste, Jacques Piccard and Lt. Don Walsh of the US Navy hit bottom in January. Their observations of life in the abyss proved certain types of vertebrates could live at that depth – almost 11, 000 metres – where hydrostatic pressure exceeds 1000 times the atmospheric pressure at sea level.
Freezing Point – A 5-hour descent, and 3 hours and 15 minute ascent allowed them 20 minutes on the sea floor. There couldn’t have been any moments during Trieste’s dive that were less than critical – with over 11 km of water above their heads, had anything gone wrong the hydrostatic pressure would have got them before the intense cold of the depths. The pressure required the use of alternate to air for buoyancy and ballast and -packing 22, 500 gallons of gasoline for buoyancy and iron shot for ballast, the Trieste sounds more like an oversized pipe bomb than a submersible. Even though the mission went off better than expected. No other manned mission has been made since and no craft exists that could make the trip.
Number 8 – Robert Peary’s bid for the North Pole – 1909
Some accounts say Peary made the Pole as little more than frostbitten cargo in companion, Matthew Henson’s sled. Others maintain Peary is an outright fraud. Either way, Peary is credited with using Inuit survival techniques and dress to survive and speed his expedition. He and Henson are also credited for fathering Inuit children and Peary holds the distinction of a reputation for being the most unpleasant of polar adventurers.
Freezing Point – Whether he made the Pole or not it was certainly an arduous journey, but the real challenge for the expedition was its legitimacy. Peary’s claim that he reached the pole far more quickly than planned and then made the return trip in half that time is widely disputed. British explorer Wally Herbert is widely lauded as the first man to actually make the pole on foot in 1969. The race to the pole is still under contention and being run by some people, becoming more a war of websites than an actual race. See… (http://www.pearyhenson.org/polarcontroversy/pearymythsintro.htm, http://www.pearyhenson.org/polarcontroversy/index.htm and www.mathew-henson.com
Number 7 – Pat Morrow – Seven Summits: completed 1986
Morrow allegedly set himself a challenge during his Everest climb. Figuring he’d already climbed the highest points of 3 continents, he may as well bag the remaining 4. The British Columbian born photographer and mountaineer is the 1st person to conquer the Messner list of ‘Seven Summits’. Unlike the Bass List, Messner substitutes Carstensz Pyramid in Irian Jaya, for Bass’ Kosciusko – an Australian mountain only half the size of Carstensz.
Freezing Point – The well-funded ’82 expedition made Calgary native, Laurie Skreslet the first Canadian on the summit. Morrow, the expedition photographer was second, but another Canadian, Blair Griffiths and three Sherpas were killed during and ice fall and avalanche.
Number 6 – Hillary Step disaster – Everest 1996
In all, 8 climbers were killed on the mountain, both experienced guides and their clients, some who had paid up to 65, 000 dollars to be part of the expedition. Among them were Richard Hall, Outside Magazine’s, Jon Krakauer, author of Into Thin Air – an account of the disaster, and Yasuko Namba.
Because of the number of climbers trying to summit on that day, delay and bottlenecks at the Hillary Step resulted in some attempting to reach the summit than the maximum turnaround time of 2pm. The dubious situation swiftly grew worse, a blizzard hit about 5pm, trapping climbers on both the South Col and on the upper mountain.
Freezing Point – For those on the South Col the sudden storm made it impossible to find camp. For all the climbers it meant prolonged exposure to extreme cold, a swiftly depleting supply of supplemental oxygen, and hypoxia. Guide, Anatoli Boukreev, left camp to find the stranded climbers, helping some to safety, but not all. The next day searchers found 6 bodies, including Adventure Consultants’ Rob Hall – Hall was still alive May 11th at 9 am, but with frostbitten hands, couldn’t get down. He died after a final conversation with his wife via radio, who he’d met on an earlier attempt to summit in 1990.
Number 5 – The Winter War – Soviet invasion of Finland 1939
When Finnish-Soviet tensions escalated just prior to the outbreak of WW II, the Soviets attacked. Although the Russians ultimately forced Finland to cede a portion of land – and a fifth of Finland’s industrial capacity – to them, the Red Army paid dearly with men, materials and their reputation.
Freezing Point – The Battle of Suomussalmi December 1939 – January 1940 – Taking a page from the Russian’s own playbook, the Finns destroyed Suomussalmi before the invaders took it. Using guerillas on skies and depending on their familiarity of the forests, the Finns employed a tactic of encirclement called ‘Motti’. Bogged down by snow, their heavy equipment and ravaged by cold, the Soviets were demoralized by the Finns targeting of field kitchens and soldiers who warmed themselves by fires. Vastly outnumbered, the Finns forced a Soviet retreat over frozen lakes of Niskanselkä and Haukiperä.
Number 4 – Norwegian Roald Amundsen – South Pole 1911
Originally the expedition was intended as a bid to reach the North Pole, but Amundsen changed plans without telling his crew, putting himself in a race to the pole with Brit, Robert Scott. Amundsen’s superior planning, his use of dogs and skis allowed him to not only reach the Pole first, but return safely. ‘Use’ of dogs included slaughtering a number of them en-route to the pole, caching enough meat for both the men and remaining dogs for their return and limiting the weight of dog food they needed to carry for the 99 day overland journey – Scott, apparently a picky eater, died during his expedition.
Freezing Point – After landing in the Bay of Whales, Amundsen’s first attempt to find the pole almost ended in disaster. Setting out after the temperature went up in September, they turned back only days later when temperatures fell to –60 degrees. Afterwards, one of Amundsen’s crew openly called his leadership into question and was cut from the pole team and sent to explore another portion of Antarctica.
Amundsen made the Pole in December 1911, with five men and his 16 remaining dogs, leaving a tent and a letter there as proof, in case he didn’t survive the return to his base camp at Framheim.
Number 3 – Shackleton’s Imperial Trans-Antarctic Expedition 1914 – 1916
Shackleton made many trips to the Antarctic. In 1909 he crossed the Trans-Antarctic mountain range and set foot on the South Polar Plateau, but failed to reach the Pole. “Better a live donkey than a dead lion,” he said, but tried again anyway. This mission, his most famous, was to land on one side of Antarctica, hike to the pole and crossing the remainder of the continent to the other side. Although unsuccessful, the mission is famed for the lack of a serious body count.
Freezing point – In October 1915 the pack ice closed in around Shackleton’s ship, Endurance, crushing it. The crew escaped, with 3 lifeboats, but was stranded. Shackleton and several others took one (approx. 20 foot) boat and made an unparalleled attempt to get help, crossing the Drake Passage to South Georgia. After landfall they hiked an additional 36 hours across the spine of the island to find people and organize a rescue party.
The entire Endurance crew survived and a 10-man supply mission that was to drop supplies on the other side, also stranded, prompted another rescue by Shackleton – only 3 of the 10 died.
Number 2 – Napoleon into Moscow – 1812
After the breakdown of the Franco-Russian alliance Napoleon mobilized an army of 600,000 hoping to crush the Russians just inside their borders. The Russian army had other ideas, retreating repeatedly and drawing them deeper into both their territory. Rather than defend Moscow, they burned the city and let Napoleon have it. It cost them dearly, but cost Napoleon even more so – weakening him and strengthening the resolve of other European nations to finish him once and for all.
Freezing Point – Needing to return to France to stay in power, Napoleon abandoned Moscow just in time for the Russian winter to settle in with a vengeance. Hampered by blizzards, frozen terrain, and picked to pieces by the Russian Army Napoleon’s Army was reduced to a fraction of its size. During The Battle of Berezina (November 1812), thousands died in battle, thousands more in the freezing Berezina River. The Cossacks slaughtered stragglers wholesale.
Number 1 – John Franklin’s final Arctic expedition – 1845
When Franklin set out to find, navigate and chart The Northwest Passage, he, over 100 men and both ships, HMS Erebus and HMS Terror, disappeared. For 15 years no trace of them was found but the ensuing search resulted in a good portion of the remaining Arctic to be charted.
Freezing point – Franklin’s ships were trapped in the Artic ice for 2 winters after the ice closed in. Abandoning ship, the expedition’s dependence on unnecessary European luxuries, and refusal to adopt native survival techniques doomed them. Trapped, to a man they died horribly, suffering from tuberculosis, lead poisoning from the solder in their tinned food supply, starvation, and exposure. Their ‘civilized’ behaviour didn’t last. Those who survived the longest – roughly 4 years – did so by eating the remains of their companions.
Do something just to say you did…
If life’s a game, winning is about more than dying with the most toys: it’s about living it to the fullest. The path to glory leads up the mountain, down into the pit and through the teeth of winter, not along the path from your rented bungalow to the resort’s buffet…
There’s a reason people get loads of press for jumping in the ocean on New Year’s Day, but none for jumping into the hot tub on a balmy Caribbean afternoon. You can go to a one-size-fits-all all inclusive and swim with Nurse Sharks when you’re old and decrepit. In the meantime, don’t hide from the cold, suck it up and get outside.
SAMPLE – Smog/Biking published in YYZ Lifestyle Sept 05
It didn’t take long for me to get sidetracked after logging on to the Toronto public health website. When you’re have a choice between reading up on Botulism, Plague, Rabbit Fever, and the potential threat of suspicious mail, getting some information on the more pedestrian terror of pollution seems dead boring. After front-page diseases like Smallpox and Anthrax, a little thing like smog seems like, well, a little thing.
It isn’t.
It’s an increasingly dangerous part of our daily lives. Besides, whether your cycling or driving, you’re more likely to feel the effects of bad air than to drop dead of a touch of plague on the morning commute. A study showing the combined impact of extreme weather and air pollution in four Canadian cities over a 46-year period, released earlier this summer by Toronto’s Medical Officer of Health, states that of the deaths associated with extreme temperatures and air pollution, roughly 80 percent were associated with smog.
Of the combination of airborne nasties that make up the smog we occasionally have to breathe, the most harmful are ground-level ozone and fine particles that can easily get into the lungs. Even limited exposure can cause irritation of the eyes nose and throat, reduced lung capacity, and, obviously, aggravate existing medical conditions. As of this writing, we’ve had forty-one smog alerts this year – the most since the Smog Advisory was created by the Ontario Ministry of the Environment and Environment Canada. Granted, fine particles have only been a part of the measurement since 2002, added when the technology and the science improved to the point where more accurate daily prediction and measurements can be taken. Having said that, the worst year for smog prior to 2005 was 2001 – a mere 20 days.
So, that’s the bad news…
The rest of the bad news is that the addition of fine particles to the Smog Advisory means more likelihood of smog days at other times of the year besides summer. Overall, the prevailing wisdom seems to suggest the best way to avoid the damaging effects of smog is to stay out of it – something very few avid cyclists want to do on a fine summer day. If you do insist on taking a dip in the soup on smoggy days, in addition to taking all the regular precautions in extreme heat – going easy, drinking loads of fluid and taking regular stock of your health – try to stay free of traffic or get your exercise pre-morning rush hour. A mask designed to filter out particulate matter is also a good idea. If you can’t find what you want at your local bike shop, try a medical supply store and ask for ‘N95’ surgical masks. If you do experience eye irritation or other symptoms, reduce your level of activity and, if symptoms persist, see a doctor. Beyond that, check air quality daily, listen for smog and heat alerts, and do what you can to reduce your own energy consumption. Of course, by biking regularly, you’re already doing something reduce pollutants. If you want’ to take it one step farther you might take a cue from one cyclist I’ve seen, who seems to see smog days as an opportunity to educate others, hanging a sign of the back of their bike that says “STOP DRIVING Smog Alert Today”.
The good news is that smog is still mainly a summer phenomenon, and should start to clear some in the fall, but there are no guarantees we’re not out of the fog yet. Bear in mind that the first smog alerts of 2005 were in February. Still, although summer is well on it’s way out hopefully we’ve got a few good weeks left – Whether the heat put a crimp in your style this summer, or you just don’t often think about getting out on for a ride September is a perfect time to take advantage of the wealth of trails and paths in and around the city. Regardless of your address, there’s a trail close by and no better way to extend the summer than by taking advantage of them.
Even if you’ve burned up all your sick days and vacation time it only takes a short ride down the Martin Goodman Trail, up the Don Valley Paths, or east to Cherry Beach to feel like your out on a mini-vacation. If you haven’t taken a good look at the trails recently you might be surprised how easy and peaceful the commuting can be when you abandon the road and take to the trails.
Cycling information and maps…
www.biketoronto.ca/
www.toronto.ca/cycling/
A full copy of the Medical Officer of Toronto’s report is available at… www.toronto.ca/health/hphe/weather_air_pollution_research.htm
Check the daily forecast at…
www.airqualityontario.com/
More information/articles re: smog and health
www.cleanair.web.net/media/air
www.city.toronto.on.ca/health/smog/index.htm
www.airqualityontario.com/science/spareair.cfm
Sound off about smog at…
www.smogblog.1051am.com/
SAMPLE – Blue Man Opens in Toronto published in YYZ Lifestyle Jul 05
When Blue Man String Player, Bruce Gordon, refuses to tell me what a banana stuffer does, ostensibly to preserve the magic of the show, I can’t help but laugh as a sudden flood of details from the BMG show coming rushing back. I can’t explain exactly what’s so funny. For many people their only frame of reference for Blue Man’s ‘magic’ is a series of hilariously deadpan Intel commercials, but it’s only a small taste of what’s in store at a full performance. It’s such an onslaught of music, theatre, and visuals that it would take more than one show to fix it all in memory.
As the Bass Player for 90’s Alt. Rock success I Mother Earth, Bruce Gordon has toured extensively and taken every opportunity to branch off into a variety of styles, but he’s never done anything like this.
“I don’t think anyone’s ever done anything like this,” he says.
Working with BMG is the most musically challenging environment he’s been in. He’s expected be capable of filling two distinct performance roles, involving a total of 6 different instruments and multiple playing techniques while reflecting the frenetic, but tightly choreographed elements that make up the rest of the show. “It’s not just playing songs – you have to be aware of what the audience and band are doing, and be ready to go with the Blue Men if they take it a different way.”
From their inception in the late 80’s BMG have displayed a knack for taking it a different way, blending tribal music and ritual, performance art, technology, and comedy and growing the troupe from a three-piece street show into a thriving multi disciplinary company of 500 people.
“They’ve never closed a show,” say Bruce. The original still runs at NYC’s Astor Place Theatre and the Toronto show, now firmly ensconced in the new built Panasonic Theatre, is settling in for the long haul. A seamless and delightful mix of oddball theatre and compelling musical vignettes performed by the familiar Blue Men and a live four piece band, the show is a mix of existing sketches combined with brand new Blue Man multi sensory ‘happenings’ developed specifically for the Toronto show.
More than just clever theatre, the show breaks down the barriers between audience and stage immediately; “There’s a ‘poncho’ section,” Bruce says with a smile – the same variety of grin kids wear when hiding behind doors with a water balloon in each hand. ‘Audience participation’ is by far the most intangible, unpredictable, and occasionally messy element of the show.
Read carefully here, folks… Comedy club rules apply at the Panasonic Theatre.
Beyond the general splatter you might expect from a three mute Blue people madly hammering drums covered in paint, the performers also occasionally pull audience members into the fray. Paint, food, and performances that spill right off the stage are all part of the show. Never fear though, should your number come up and a little Blue Man attempt to abduct you, just relax. They’re discerning in their choices and these moments, particular one in which an audience member is invited to join in a most unusual and entertaining banquet, are some of the highlights of the show. Besides, it’s only half as messy as it looks, and far more fun than attracting the attention of a stand up comedian at a comedy club.
If you’re lucky, you might even get a meal out of it… sort of.
SAMPLE – Avoiding Career Suicide published in Canadian Musician Magazine January 2005
Everyone wants attention – aspiring songwriters/bands more than most people. As far as getting it and keeping it, many of the people who contributed to this piece had one overriding piece of advice that bears repeating immediately…
Chances are, if you’ve done your job – written great songs, started to develop a following, have a strong live show together and shown drive, desire and an understanding of the business – the industry will seek you out. The biggest buzz band is the one with the largest head count of industry types and fans at its show, not the one that sent out the most packages. No amount of marketing and promotion will help in the long run without killer songs and a great show.
Regardless of new technology and its affect on recording, sales and so on, Kim Cooke, GM of Maple Music, says, “We’re still looking for the same things we always have – outstanding material, star power, extraordinary vocal or playing capabilities – hopefully all in one artist.” Better to wait until you’ve developed as an act than to turn potential allies off with a sloppy performance or unwarranted ego … “The industry finds you,” says Randy Berswick, Tour Coordinator at Bruce Allen Talent. “If you’re good, we’ll hear about it.”
So where does that leave us?
Right, how could I forget? You’re not just good – you’re brilliant. You have great songs and a killer stage persona. You know it. Your girlfriend knows it. Hell, even your mom thinks so and she hates the music you listen to. Sure, he might be biased, but your manager said so too. And why would he lie? You’ve been friends forever and he’s not going to be able to make payments on that new Ford Econoline unless he starts getting you some paying gigs – and if the van goes, so does he.
But you can’t think of that now. No, because tonight you are playing, not for money, but for respect. At the back of the room are real, live music industry professionals and the only thing standing between you and their good graces is a solid half-hour set … Well okay, maybe an hour-and-a-half set…
No problem, you’ve played loads of gigs – at least 10 – never with this band, mind you, but still, it only took, like, two rehearsals to get the set tight. Okay, not tight, but together …
Okay, not completely together, but c’mon, there were a lot of songs to learn. Including that extended cover of GNR covering “Live and Let Die”. Shit. You’d forgotten about that … Make that a two-hour set. A little long, and sure, you could have cut some songs, but they’re all great, right?
Besides, the band has never sounded better – aside from all the extra notes the bass player seemed to have added during sound check.
Still, the band has never looked so good – aside from the guitarist you hired, who up until just moments before you hit the stage, was dressed like a reasonably hip human being. Why he’s now sporting a cape, studded codpiece and hair that would make the most unrepentant ’80s glam throwback giggle and blush. That said his looks bother you far less than the fact you’re letting him sing one of his originals as the second song instead of paying him.
Still, as soon as you hit the first note all your doubts will evaporate. Okay, maybe the second note, because that new guitar pattern isn’t exactly feeling natural to play while you’re singing.
Still, it was probably harder during sound check when the stage sounded like the inside of a massive sock. Granted, the house tech said that would get “way” better when the room fills up with the audience that’s come to bask in your brilliance. You only wish more people were here basking, but unfortunately few of your friends or fans are here.
They might have come if the bar was closer to downtown, if the bar normally booked bands, and if you hadn’t booked on such short notice on a holiday Monday.
Which you would have, if you hadn’t pissed off the booker at the best club in town by playing her place two weeks in a row and only promoting the show you were playing a week later at her competitor’s…
All right, to be fair you don’t have to be the biggest screw in history to turn people off your project. You just have to be a screw up. The music industry is fickle and unforgiving and for people to take a risk on you and your music they have to be pretty much blown away. Trouble being, the more music they hear and see, the less likely they’ll be impressed by anything less than a rare and delicate balance of drive, talent and confidence – that mix of tangible and intangible qualities that make an artist so compelling you just have to let other people know about them.
First things first – virtually all the people contributing to this article agree that if you want to be in the business then you need a thorough understanding of it … “You are entering one of the fiercest competitive environments known to humankind,” says Alan Cross, Edge 102’s Program Director. “With upwards of 50,000 new releases every year, you have to be committed to the long haul.” When asked what he thinks people are looking for in artists these days, he says: “Poise. Maturity. An understanding that 50 per cent of the music business is business.”
SAMPLE – Ridley Bent Bio for Buckles and Boots release Sept 2007
On his first release on Open Road Recordings, Buckles and Boots, Ridley Bent serves up tall tales, sweet rhymes, and love songs, with a dash of mayhem and murder on the side. Populated by a cast of modern day desperadoes, lovesick drifters, and small town heroes, Buckles and Boots, is full to the brim with stories you just can’t take your ears off.
Whether it’s a high school drug sting gone bad, or an aging road racer taking one last shot at glory prompted ‘a whiff of the glory days comin’ from the back seat’ Ridley’s characters don’t compromise. They get what they deserve and take what they can get, straight up, with a shot of whiskey on the side. No matter how wild his characters get, though, Ridley Bent’s own life and experiences shine through. “When I first started writing I was singing from my heart, and those songs are always harder to sing for people. So I kinda went completely the other direction and wrote from character’s points of view. But no matter what, there’s always going to be things that are you.”
Sometimes it’s a growl, or a sly chuckle, but more often, these days, it’s some shade of heartbreak. While there’s no shortage of dangerous characters haunting the corners of the record, there’s a far more personal side to Buckles and Boots. Tracks like ‘Cry’, ‘Arlington’ and ‘Stand In Line’ make it clear that Ridley, like the fallen rodeo star in the album’s title track, has spent his own share of ‘nights with the cold, hard truth.’ Even with no police or punk ass kids to teach a lesson, and only everyday enemies, like loss and regret, to cope with, Bent’s means of doing so are often brutally hilarious.
Shortly after relocating to Whistler, BC in the late 90’s, the Halifax born, Alberta bred singer/songwriter ditched his dream of being a pro-skier, picked up a the guitar and taught himself to play. It wasn’t until he moved to Vancouver and took a job as a security guard that he really began developing his unique lyrical style. With nothing but his guitar and a pile of books for company, he started spinning his own tales to kill time. There, John Steinbeck, Louis L’Amour, and Cormac McCarthy became almost as important to his distinct style as his musical influences.
Known for spinning wild yarns against a unique blend of roots and urban grooves, Ridley’s rekindled a love for an old flame on Buckles and Boots. Born out of early exposure to Hank Williams and Johnny Cash – courtesy of his father, the world’s greatest country music lover – there’s always been a strong underpinning of alt. Folk and Country to his music. “But with this record,” he says, “I really wanted to be clear where it was going.”
Where it went was straight up Country – no exceptions, and no apologies…
Fed by a steady diet pulp westerns, and recent collaborations with housemates and sometime writing partners, Dustin Bentall and Cam Latimer, Ridley’s renewed interest came to a head during a long, unplanned detour on Vancouver Island. He had a grand total of five records to hand, but never got past George Jones’ Super Hits and Brad Paisley’s Part Two. Those records got Ridley to thinking, not just about what kind of music he wanted to make, but what kind of band he wanted to make it with…
“A wicked Country band,” he says flatly – the kind that makes a record sound like its been tracked in one go, by a crew of heavy, road savvy players in matching suits. So, with a fist full of new songs, Ridley teamed up with Vancouver based producer and multi-instrumentalist Johnny Ellis to do just that…
“I was even going to go so far as have the suits made for the recording. It didn’t happen,” Ellis laughs. The result though, is so fluid; you’d swear it did. Johnny Ellis didn’t mess around when it came to getting the tracks on tape. “There’s nothing more boring than going over and over one part and following the producer’s silly little dream about the way it should go,” he says. “I hate that style of recording.”
Recorded in North Van’s Baker Street Studios in 4 days, Buckles and Boots finds Ridley fronting a crack 7-piece band who back up the songs with a level of detail and depth equal to his own storytelling chops. Steel, slide and lead guitars weave in and out between fiddles, piano and organs – rich textured backgrounds and fiery solos that stand out on their own, but never get in the way of Ridley’s tales. “It was like a rodeo in the studio,” Johnny explains. “These guys are ferocious.”
Alone, or with his band, Ridley Bent is no less ferocious live. He brings a level of commitment to his performances so complete, the audience can’t help going where he takes them. “He’s not strutting around the stage,” says Ellis, “he’s standing there like Hank Sr., holding his ground.” More and more, people can’t help but notice; nominated for Songwriter of the Year at the 2006 Western Canadian Music Awards, Ridley has also toured with Corb Lund, hit major Canadian Folk Fests like Vancouver, Winnipeg, Calgary, and Hillside, and is fresh off multiple appearances during the 2007 CCMA’s.
Where Ridley’s first outing, 2005’s Blam, left some wondering just where he fit in musically, this new record leaves absolutely no doubt. Buckles and Boots is the kind of record that hits you right ‘where the bottle and the truth collide’. More than that though, it lets you have a long, hard – and occasionally sadistic – laugh at yourself when you start feeling like you’re alone there.
Posted by aredd 